I kinda have this subconscious feeling that if I dont update untilwhenever my life will forever be stagnant on January 9th 2010. Therefore the update. Weird? Well then you won't even want to know what's really going in my mind,consciously.

The break after MBTs has been slobbingly refreshing. (is that a word? slobbingly? don't think so.) I take doing nothing but watching movies and tv shows and eating in a repeated order very seriously,mind you. I have watched more than 10 movies the past 5 days. It's come to a point that I am downloading all movies that have dvd rips on a whim. Yeap,I went to download Ninja Assassin yesterday. Yessir - NINJA ASSASSIN. It's like I am hopelessly clinging onto this short break and trying to fit in all the entertainment I can squeeze in as possible.

It's rather pathetic,actually. My life.

But it's going to be okay at the end,I guess?

Just scrutinised the Term 1 timetable and had this rude shock of how the upcoming year is going to be like. It does not look like any fun. I am now, incredibly anxious (in a very bad way) and feel like throwing up. Oh man.

Everytime I try to reflect on 2009 and try to write it out in an entry,I find myself trying to be poignant. I dont know why. So screw reflection. I want to look forward.

This year,I am going to get it right. I know that the road ahead is probably going to be unclear,unsettling and unfamiliar. But you know what - despite knowing this,I am strangely calm. Comforted,even.

I reckon 2010 is going to be like diving into a crowd with your eyes closed. You know that for the split moment you're free-falling (Cue John Mayer's cover of Free Fallin) - it's going to feel like your insides are twisting in the worse ways. And when you hit the crowd it is going to hurt from the poking of fingers and knuckles and that overall change in pressure. It is going to be painful and fucking uncomfortable.But somehow you'll be having the time of your life anyways. Because you will be crowd surfing damnit. Freaking,crowd surfing!

I say yes to crowd surfing. Fuckyes! crowd surfing.

To the Fan-gods/Fan -Volturi/Fan - Dumbledore (Whatever floats your boat),

2009 has been a somewhat dissapointing year for kpop. I think this has to do with many sad events such as the lack of Big Bang,the Wondergirls being shipped to the US (and the massacre of 'Nobody' through it being too popular - for too long),GD's heartbreaker album, the tragic lost of Jay from 2pm and of course the fan drama that followed all year round. The thing is,within the year I have seen your light! (For that I thank you.) I could look past these disappointments rather easily because I cared less. Caring less really opened my eyes to another level of fandom. A level where I could like the people and music that I liked and hate the people and music that I hated without getting affected by fan drama and all the scary fan wars. May all the newb fangirls see the same light that I did. Not to belittle anyone but,there's so much we can do. We're fans. (not lawyers or extremists or flash mobists or part of the mob or even terrorists,for that matter.)

But enough of my evolution in the fangirl hierarchy. I want to tell you that I have found real gems amidst the dark clouds this year. Gems like Dong Young Bae - who shines brighter than ever. Park Gahee,from After School is another one of kpop's secret weapons that have been unleashed this year. She is amazing,beyond words! The group B2ST (minus hyunseng) and singers like Lyn and Kim Tae Woo all made the year brighter. This year,I learnt that the best stars shine quietly in the corner. They dont need big blonde hair or crazy pyrocrastic stage lights or scandals or gimmicks. Naturally,they shine on their own. Without any artificial help.For opening my eyes to these gems,I thank you.

When fandom was at its worst and the kpop world was too unbearable to look or listen too,I could always lean on the muscial geniuses of hiphop that provided musical nutrition to my itunes.Epik,Dynamic Duo,Leessang,Tiger JK,Dok2 and the rest of The Movement were the much needed comfort crew this year. Yes,at times they were violent and vulgar - but they were (for lack of a better word) 'dopezxzx' nontheless. For leading me to this comforting road when kpop was a trainwreck - I give my thanks.

Also,I want to tell you that I miss my fangirl buddies. This year was tough on everyone and I miss the spazz sessions and crazy outings we had the year before. I pray that we'll see much more of each other next year. BBSG,I miss us! (Special shouts to Syifa,my gag buddy! - WE NEED TO MEETUP,PRONTO!)

I predict that next year will be tough for all of us. (For me especially) May Bigbang come back and fill this empty void in my soul.May kpop continue to be a friend and not a foe. And if it does become a foe,may we part beautifully.

Yours,
Su.

Despite having lots of fun reblogging and looking at pretty,thought provoking but always poignant (at least most of them try to be) pictures,I am back here. I did say I would drop by when I feel like I had to blogspot.If its any credit,the posting page didnt ever feel this good.

If updating about the mundance of life ever counted - ze parents are back,everything is back to normal and I am officially not going on a holiday till next year.

Not to sound like a brat but I really wanted to go on a holiday.I know that I should be considerate to ze parents since they're probably not up for sinful shopping trips right after they have been so close to Him and I am.I feel way guilty for feeling this enormous need to run through the streets of bangkok and throw thai bahts in the air! I will feel less guilty though. I will see the light in staying in Singapore. I will see the light.

Also,I finished 'You're Beautiful' recently. Okay,I kinda cheated with a few episodes.But I get it,I get the hype. I particularly liked how they tortured Shin Woo with every second-lead-tormenting-methods from the kdrama rule book.I love you,Jang Geun Suk. (always have.way before you did.) I wished I had more patience with dramas though. I used to be so loyal with episodes.

I think I am going to catch Holmes on the first day. I have recently been enlightened to the geniusly gorgeous man that is Robert Downey Jr. In addition to that is the amazing -Dr Watson. oh hello,adulteror aka man who slept with nanny but is beautiful anyways. aka Jude Law.

I know I am jumping topics but I am basically rambling everything that's on top of my head.So dont mind the mess. (Because my head IS essentially - a mess.) After the post-pw lectures I HAVE NOT REVISED SHIT. I am now starting to slowly panic. Like realizing poison is in my blood only after it enters the chambers of my lungs. Today I told my mom I had school tomorrow (House) and I am kinda busy with so many events coming up. She replied "Yeap,you should be.Alevels and all" Then I had this strange jolt upon realizing that I hadnt even THOUGHT of Alevels as being THAT near.

If I think of 2010 and my mind browses through the months : Jan,Feb,March,April,Ju-une,Ju-ah-ly,Auuuug-sst *STOPS AND BLINKS EYES SHUT IN HORROR"
oh shit,I am scared.

I will not abandon untilwhenever.I will not.

Aside from being sickly and whiny this past few days,I have done nothing but watch tv and movies and ugly betty.I guess you could say watching tv and movies and ugly betty has some kind of medicinal value,because I feel better.

kpop world has been very boring lately. There is nothing interesting to watch or listen to.I need Bigbang to come out with something real soon. I miss spazzing and looking up lyrics in korean trying to perfect the pronounciation.

12 days till mama comes back! yaaaaaay!

I know,I know.WHY DO I ALWAYS JUMP INTO THE TREND BANDWAGON? Whatever happened to non-comformity and suppresion of individualism?

but it's no big deal really.I realise that most of the time im on blogger it pains me to come up with lengthy things to talk about and when I post pictures they are a hassle coz they need to follow the template and size and everything which makes things ugly.So I am keeping this blog too - for when I feel like I need to blogspot.

TUMBLR

oh btw,I am not surviving well without mama.